Now

I am floating rudderless at the moment. Back in my parents house again, like a teenager again. Unsure of the future and bit unsure about what happened there in Paris for the past two years.

We are all facebooking each other blurrily. Everyone seems disorientated. I am distracting myself with other nonsense. I can't decide whether or not to borrow, beg and steal the money to go to Vancouver for one of my oldest friends weddings. I can just about get my hands on the cash, but it would leave me without any financial buffer, necessary in London. I do think it is just an avoidance of the bigger what-are-you-going-to-do-with-your-life issues.

On the other hand good things can come out of malable moments in your life, before you stick into your own assumptions and expectations for yourself, none of which are necessarily true.

The Aftermath

I had decided not to keep going with this after it all ended. But like so many good resolutions I make I can't help but break it a little.

I missed out on a lot of the immediate partying and farewells. I went back to London for a week to see my gorgeous nephew and his equally delightful parents over from Chicago on a short visit on their way to Italy and then Russia. He is already more well traveled than I am.

I got back to Paris on Saturday and have been feeling very drifty and floaty ever since. It's strange to be here but not to be here. I am crowded with fears. About the future mainly. Those nameless, voiceless fears that bundle themselves up into spiders and thunderstorms.

Back in rue du Faubourg St Denis to collect the dvd of the commandes I bumped into a group of 3 of the Spanish contingent of my class and then another Brit. All by chance. Mysterious forces... ? Well actually we were all just collecting our dvds.

Here are some photos of when we were all feeling a bit more cheerful before the it's-all-over-ness lethargy set in.